2. If you get pulled over for speeding tell the police your spouse has diarrhea.
3. You only get one chance at a first impression. I suggest Julia Child because it’s easy to do. “Save the giblets.”
4. The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you if you just lower your expectations.
5. Dance until your feet hurt, sing until your lungs hurt, act until you’re William Hurt.
6. Take a lesson from parakeets. If you’re ever lonely, just eat in front of a mirror.
7. Never be afraid to reach for the stars because even if you fall you’ll always be wearing a “parent-chute.”
8. Marry someone who looks sexy when disappointed.
9. Older black ladies make the best iced tea.
10. Success is one percent inspiration, 98 percent perspiration, and 2 percent attention to detail.
11. You can tell a lot about a person by his biography.
12. Watch a sunrise at least once a day.
13. If you love something set it free, unless it’s a tiger.
14. If you’re ever in a jam, a crayon stuffed up your nose makes a good pretend mustache.
15. When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will all be like “What?”