By Phil Dunphy
1.  Always look  people in the eye, even if they’re blind. Just say, “I’m looking you in the  eye.”

2.  If you get  pulled over for speeding tell the police your spouse has diarrhea.

3.  You only get one  chance at a first impression. I suggest Julia Child because it’s easy to do. “Save the giblets.”

4.  The most amazing  things that can happen to a human being will happen to you if you just lower  your expectations.

5. Dance until your  feet hurt, sing until your lungs hurt, act until you’re William Hurt.

6.  Take a lesson  from parakeets. If you’re ever lonely, just eat in front of a mirror.

7.  Never be afraid  to reach for the stars because even if you fall you’ll always be wearing a “parent-chute.”

8.  Marry someone  who looks sexy when disappointed.

9.  Older black  ladies make the best iced tea.

10.  Success is one  percent inspiration, 98 percent perspiration, and 2 percent attention to  detail.

11.  You can tell a  lot about a person by his biography.

12.  Watch a sunrise  at least once a day.

13.  If you love  something set it free, unless it’s a tiger.

14.  If you’re ever  in a jam, a crayon stuffed up your nose makes a good pretend mustache.

15.  When life gives  you lemonade, make lemons. Life will all be like “What?”



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